Friday, August 10, 2012

On This Last Day of My 26th Year: Part 2

I'm operating under the assumption that you have done the Googling I mentioned in the last post.

If you don't know, or didn't already google what Agent Orange actually is, I will give you a brief summary.  However, I encourage you to Google pretty much everything I'm telling you, because I am not going to take the time to put all the links, and there are thousands of links regarding Agent Orange, who manufactures it, their crimes, GMO's, and their blatant disregard for the health and lives of Americans and people around the world.  As you will find out, nearly every other industrialized country in the world has banned or severely restricted nearly everything produced by the two most vile offenders; Monsanto and Dow.  If you would like to do a quick sanity check, type "Monsanto" in the Google search bar.  You don't even have to press enter to see that I am not alone in my assessment.  

Agent Orange is a herbicide/defoliant, that was created by two companies for use during the Vietnam War.  Those companies were Monsanto and Dow.  The US military sprayed Agent Orange all over Vietnam in an attempt to kill pretty much anything and everything green, in order to make it easier to spot the guerrilla fighters hiding in the brush.  The story goes, and I will allow you to make up your own mind regarding this, that the chemicals that were used to make up Agent Orange were accidentally contaminated with an extremely toxic dioxin compound.  I know nothing about chemistry or dioxin compounds, nor do I know the likelihood of such a contamination taking place.  I am desperate to believe in the whole "accidental" claim, so for now we will assume I do.

If you did your Googling, then you saw the effects of Agent Orange on children that are born in 2012.  Such severe deformities and infant mortality, all caused by a herbicide that was sprayed in Vietnam in the 70's. It was only literally in the past few days that the US agreed to a "clean up effort".  Whatever that means.   

Thailand wasn't the only country exposed to this "herbicide".  Several other countries were used as dump sites for agent orange, as was Pacific ocean.  And shockingly, a Department of Defense report released in 2006, (according to Wikipedia) admitted to storage, testing, and disposal at 32 different places in the US.  And finally, the US was using Agent Orange in our national forests in the 70's, until the EPA forced them to stop when women living around the forests were found to have triple the miscarriages of an average woman.  I have no clue where these sites are, but I haven't found any evidence of them being "cleaned up" as of now.  Again, whatever that means.  It is important to note that I hold the soldiers in no way responsible for any of this.  They actually sued the government for the effects it had on them, and a fund was set up for veterans with health issues associated with the effects of Agent Orange.  

Monsanto and Dow, the manufacturers of Agent Orange, were never, as far as I am aware, held accountable for this tragic "accident".  Unfortunately, accidents do indeed happen.  And Monsanto and Dow seem to be very "accident prone".  We will get to their other currently known "accidents", which were found to be not accidents by a long shot, but blatant disregard for human life.  

I feel like I should have said this already, but if everyone already knows this, and they just don't say anything because they know about some hit squad Monsanto and Dow employ to kill anyone who talks about this, then please make me aware.  Otherwise, there really is only one of two possibilities for citizens of this country's seeming lack of knowledge.  People either know and don't care, or somehow this company is so powerful that they have been able to keep it from the majority.  Again, if everyone knows and simply doesn't care, then let  me know.  I will start to pack my bags.  

In installment 3, we will talk about two different incidents, one involving Dow, and one involving Monsanto, completely unrelated, where both companies KNOWINGLY dumped chemicals, LITERALLY in people's backyards, then knowingly hid it from them.  In each case, it took people dying and devastating health issues of nearly everyone in the community to sound the alarm against these companies.  In both cases, the communities they dumped their toxic waste in were mostly poor minorities with little recourse; but that was obviously strategic on their part.  I will also fill you in on their confession, established guilt, and subsequent punishment.  

Finally, I will tell you how much a human life is worth. In US dollars. 

On This Last Day of My 26th Year: Part 1

Tomorrow is my 27th birthday.  When I was 17, I couldn't even imagine what my life would look like at 27, much less think it was actual possible to get that "old".  In some ways I admittedly feel "old", and in other ways not really.  Most people wouldn't consider 27 to be a "milestone" birthday, and for most it rarely is, but my 26th year was so life altering that I suppose one would say my 27th is indeed a "milestone".
Before you rush to bathroom to vomit, this isn't some weepy story about Rebel, and how it feels to be a mother, etc.  Obviously, having a child is life changing.  It also is the greatest love you could ever feel for someone, but I'm pretty sure most people that have children already know that, and those that don't can imagine, or don't want to imagine.  HOWEVER, just in case you forgot how adorable my aptly named Rebel is, there is a reminder to your left.

While becoming a mother was indeed the catalyst for my life altering 26th year, I really have to credit Mr. Rick Santorum for opening my eyes, and altering my views on nearly everything. WAIT…PLEASE DON'T STOP READING. I'm not going to be preaching party politics, I promise.  I have come to the conclusion that there is an actual yet to be discovered gene, in which all politicians are born with, Democratic and Republican alike, that makes them conniving, lying, immoral thieves.  Or perhaps all people born with this gene, know that politics is the way to go when you have a desire to be a horrible human being, all while you smile and kiss babies for the camera.  Either way, on that front, I think electing "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" to run the country would be equally as effective as our current choices.

Moving on. I'm fairly sure that my days as an actress, (auditioner) are in the past.  Kissing people's asses never has been a strong suit of mine, nor has anorexia or bulimia for that matter.  Contrary to belief, it is actually fairly easy to make it in Hollywood. However, selling your soul to the proverbial "devil", really is the only way.  When I speak of "selling your soul", that means many things in which you probably don't care about, or won't really understand unless you experience it.  So I think I shall leave it at that.  The whole point of bringing up my "retirement" from being an auditioner, was so that I could speak of my new career.  It actually isn't a career at this point, and I will probably never get paid for it, but you could say that perhaps I have found my "calling".  And that is where Rick Santorum comes in. AGAIN, HE IS ONLY IN THE FIRST FEW SENTENCES…NO PARTY POLITICS. I SWEAR.

When my little five pounder came into this world, unlike most other mothers, I had TONS of free time on my hands.  Of course, whatever I did in my free time, must be something I could do with an infant that I never put down.  Not even to sleep for the first 4 months of her life.  So as you can imagine, I watched a lot of TV, and surfed countless hours on the internet, and read many books.  I didn't bathe, or do laundry, or anything that I'm sure the rest of you non-heathens did in your early days of motherhood.  I took care of my daughter, AND I developed an obsession.  One that I spent hours upon hours, and days upon days, researching and staring at the computer in disbelief.  And here is Rick and the big, but super short role he had to play in all of this.  One day in early January, I was flipping through the channels, and I still can't figure out to this day why in hell I would stop on coverage of the GOP candidate race, but for some reason I did.  I admittedly voted a straight Republican ticket the first year I was eligible to vote, and last election I didn't vote at all.  I really didn't care.  Just like I have no clue why I voted Republican in the first election.  Someone probably told me to.  Anyway, Rick was speaking, and it caught my attention.  I'm not going to bore you with the details of it all, but everything he was saying sounded particularly appalling to me,  so I started researching him,  then that led to many other things that have absolutely nothing to do with him or with politics.  All of which led to my life altering year, my new "calling", and my mission to at least make people aware of things happening all around us that have severe implications for us concerning health and otherwise, and dire implications for our children.

I AM NOT INSANE.  I feel like I have to say that, because if I was whoever is actually reading this right now, I would think I was totally insane.  Everything I have to say over the course of the next several posts, is well documented and searchable by everyone.  Ok…I really am starting to sound insane.  It is in the interest of everyone that is HUMAN and living on this planet, particularly in our country, to at least be informed about our surroundings and everything that comprises them.  It is particularly dire to be aware if you have children.  And EVEN more important if you have young children, pregnant, or planning to have children.  The world isn't ending tomorrow, so please don't think I'm sitting in my apartment with a glass of Kool-Aid, wearing my black Nike's.  I am going to break this down for you, for those of you with time constraints, and for those of you who want to stop reading and alert the nut house.

For now, all I want you to do is type something into Google images. Type in "kids born in 2012 agent orange".

More to follow.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

The Mommy Wars? Uhhh…I Guess

The Mommy Wars?

I am so sick of hearing about the so-called "Mommy Wars".  Exactly where ARE all these supposed "battling mothers"?  We aren't part of a play group or anything, so maybe I am missing something here.  Is that what goes on at Sara's second birthday party?  I live in a city where having a baby at 26 is fairly young, so I don't have many friends out here that have children.  We haven't been invited to any birthdays yet, and I have thought about a play group before, but my daughter's definition of "play" is smacking you in the face and trying to scratch your eyes out.  I can't imagine we would last too long in a play group.  Perhaps we would join one when she is a bit older and less violent, but not if it is just a whole bunch of passive aggressive women arguing about who's kid started walking first.  Someone please warn me so I can steer clear.

I don't deny the fact that women can be catty, (to say the least) but I'm now prone to giving mothers a sympathetic look when their child is laying down in the isle of the grocery store kicking and screaming like a little brat.  I thought I was now part of a "club" where we all knew what it felt like to lose sleep, hair, and patience.  As long as you aren't raising Honey Boo Boo II, I consider you to be doing a pretty fine job.

While I have not personally had any of these things said directly to me, I have heard quite a few women telling everyone that "I had my baby naturally", like everyone was supposed to stand up and applaud.  Personally, I could care less how you had your baby.  Guess what, I had mine "naturally" too, and that was because I was given three epidurals that didn't work.  I sure as hell wish I hadn't done it "naturally".  Other than the fact that you were in a massive amount of pain, I hardly believe your experience differs greatly from every other woman who has given birth.  You can choose to have your baby however you want to, but it doesn't mean I want to hear about it.  Most likely no one else does either.

Despite shows such as "Toddlers in Tiaras" showing pathetic mothers spray tanning their three year olds, I think most mothers have their children's best interests in mind.  Let's support all mothers doing their best for their children, in whatever form that may take.  As long as it is not in the form of a reality show.

The United States of Honey Boo Boo

I am full of shame this morning.  I did indeed watch TLC's latest tragedy, "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo".  I mustered all the restraint I could, but the urge was too strong.  I do realize that my viewership encourages TLC to make shows such as this, but I couldn't look away.  I wanted to look away, trust me, but I simply couldn't.  Please tell me I am not the only one with no self control, when it comes to trashy reality TV.  I'm not, right?  Right?

Obviously I'm not, since our TV's have been inundated with reality shows for over a decade now.  They are undoubtedly getting more horrific as time passes, and it really has me wondering…what will rock bottom look like?

I might as well tell you the entire story.  Before watching "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo", I watched two episodes of "Toddlers and Tiaras".  I have of course seen the show before, but after having a daughter myself, it REALLY began to disturb me, so I pretty much nixed it from my repertoire of trash TV.  Well…let me tell you, watching those two episodes last night really taught me a thing or two.

Please allow me to share:
1. It is apparently legal for a four year old to be a stripper.
2. Red Bull is the choice of toddlers these days.  It really gives them that extra pep in their step.  Note: always remember to put it in their favorite sippy cup. (Or bottle if you are a REALLY good mother)
3. Someone FINALLY created a channel for pedophiles! ABOUT TIME!

The biggest lesson I have learned since becoming a mother, is to not judge other mothers.  I have repented for all the dirty looks I have given bedraggled mothers, walking around dazed with dirty screaming children.  Being a parent is the most difficult job in the world, so I make it a point to give all parents the benefit of the doubt.  Even if they are dragging little Bobby out of Target by the ear.  He probably deserved it.  This show is a different story.  I'm bout to get real judgmental.

Admittedly, watching the show does really give me a confidence boost as a mother, but I must set aside my pride for not yet or ever planning to whore out my daughter, and focus on the issue at hand.  I think we all see what is really going on in shows such as this.  The mother has MAJOR issues, and is trying to live vicariously through her daughter.  Most of these issues are beyond obvious.  The 300 pound toothless mother was never pretty and knows that she must pounce on the precious few years that her child could be considered mildly cute while wearing pounds of makeup, before becoming an exact replica of herself.  The other scenario is the mom who could be considered mildly attractive, but never left her hometown because she got knocked up by the local drunk Jimmy in the bathroom at prom.  Either way you slice it, mommy has some issues, and daughter isn't too far behind.

Here is the most bizarre part of this whole travesty…no one is ever in the audience, except for the girls and their mothers! Sometime their toothless dads show up, but for the most part there are tons of empty chairs in a room full of obese woman and their toddlers dressed up like hookers.  Can't they just have a pageant in their living room and save themselves a crap load of money?  Really, what is the point?  I would at least think that having an actual audience would be necessary to make it worth the trouble.  (I do realize that they have a TV audience now, but this idiocy has been around for quite a while).  These mothers spend far more than they could ever win, yet they keep at it.  I am quite sure that not a single one of those girls has a college fund.  I suppose they are betting on little Susie becoming Miss America so she can pretend to be a good Christian girl who doesn't want gays getting married, but is okay with making sex tapes while unmarried and getting boob jobs  win a scholarship to college. HA. Fat chance.  Literally.

Really though, who cares, it is only children they're ruining, right?

On to America's new little darling, Honey Boo Boo.  I have to admit through most of the show I was trying to guess their combined weight, but the parts I did manage to process had me laying in the bed with my mouth hanging open in disbelief.  Usually I just laugh out loud at how idiotic these people are, but I was just plain embarrassed.  I was embarrassed for everyone involved, and those not.  I have many foreign friends, and they practically already thought America was something like this, now they will have the proof.

I do admit that little Honey Boo Boo has quite the personality.  She is also well on her way to type two diabetes, but that isn't her fault.  Perhaps if Big Mamma, or whatever the hell they call her, didn't refer to cheese puffs as "the breakfast of champions", little Honey Boo Boo might not have a heart attack before the age of 40.  Isn't this some sort of abuse?  Perhaps I'm over reacting.  Maybe they just eat like that on camera; surely off camera they eat…I don't know…a vegetable?!  I think it is more likely they have never seen a vegetable.

Things aren't all bad though.  Big Mama did give our little Honey Boo Boo some time off from dressing like a child hooker, to attend the local KKK rally  MENSA meeting for some good ole bobbing for pigs feet and belly flopping in the mud, which luckily her pregnant seventeen year old daughter declined to do. I think.

I guess all that is left is to give a big congrats to TLC for yet another quality program.  After so many years of the Kardashians, we were in desperate need of a show that represents the REAL American family.  I'm sure Honey Boo Boo, Big Mamma, Sugar Bear, Fatty, and Prego will be around for at least 15 more minutes.  We might even be around to see Mamma reach her goal weight of 200 pounds.  We can only hope.

I'm not going to lie, I will probably watch it again.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Who the Hell am I?

Clearly it has been a hot minute since I last posted on this precious little blog of mine.  I am the world's most impatient person, and since there weren't like 10,000 people following me after 3 days, I decided to give up.  Needless to say, I have rethought my position on that, so lo and behold…I'M BACK!  I finally realized that my blog rants are a cheap form of therapy for myself.  I also hope to make people laugh, inform people, and perhaps even have some positive effect on someone.

The last time I posted on here was sometime in May.  I have become even more neurotic during my absence.   Having a child changed my life drastically.  I know that everyone says that it changes you, but I think it made me a completely different person.  It has changed me in many ways. In some ways that are wonderful, and some ways that are beneficial to my daughter, but super annoying to everyone else on the planet (including her father).  Having a child forced me to really open my eyes to the world around me, and it has admittedly made me more of a "doom and gloom" type of person than I was before.  Ignorance really is bliss, and if my daughter was taken out of the equation, I would have chosen to stay that way.

Obviously I won't be posting a 45 page essay on all I have learned and would like to share today, even though I know you are DYING to know.  One day at a time folks, one day at a time.  I just wanted the 3 people who follow this blog (if they even still do), to be aware of my return, and that this time, I am more committed to posting.  If not for your sake, than for mine.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Ladies, Gays, and Boys Who Like Makeup…

Once in a life time there comes along a makeup product so wonderful, that you wish you could start your life all over so that you would never have to live a day without it. Ok…maybe that is a bit extreme, but this magical cream is legit. Garnier BB Cream is really hard to explain. It evens out your skin tone, It moisturizes, it has SPF, and you won't look like Snooki.

Apparently, this BB cream thing is something that all makeup lines are coming out with. I have only tried two of them, but Garnier still seems to be the cheapest I have found so far. Somewhere around 13 dollars. Totally worth it.

With that said, I also have the more expensive version that I prefer, but only SLIGHTLY. It is called Dr. Jart+ BB cream. I feel like it may be a slightly less greasy, but putting less of it on might solve the problem.

Oh…and the Garnier one smells YUMMY.

*Please let me know (ladies) if you care about these reviews at all, or if I'm just wasting my time

My Plan...

Soooooo…I was thinking…instead of just writing totally hilarious stories, about my totally hilarious life, I might throw in a bit of education. Of sorts. Such as reviews of products I have tried, things I love, things I hate, etc. Don't fret, I'm still going to make fun of everything and everyone. Anyone interested in my reviews? No? OK. BYE.